He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
