I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Will exercising make me less horny?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
