when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
