Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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