Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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