Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
