ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
