also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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