I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
