I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
