I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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