watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
