and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
