last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
