i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize