I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
