1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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