I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
