jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
