I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
