I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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