I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize