he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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