I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
