It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
