If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
then he tried to convert me to islam
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
