you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
