she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His hands were made for my vagina.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
