Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
