I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
