Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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