Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just gargled with NyQuil
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
