So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
