i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
