Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
