drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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