and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
