But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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