i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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