we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
