btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
