I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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