If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
