Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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