i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
