I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
