and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
