I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
