what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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