I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
