Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
