True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
that is very illegal...i love you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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