You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
