Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
