Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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