My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize