I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
