My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
