wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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