I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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