I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
