Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
