Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
