Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
