Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
