are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
