The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
