just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
