If i come over, it means nothing
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
