if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
